YOU DID NOT GROW IN MY TUMMY, BUT YOU GREW IN MY HEART

Denise Douglas-Henry – AFM Welfare Adoptions
denise@afmwelfare.org.za

On Saturday we had an engagement at church with our team. At lunchtime, one of our youth leaders, Aphiwe, sat with me and asked me: “Why do you do adoption?”. I could have told Aphiwe that I do adoption because child protection work is very exciting - you can plan your day but then you will get a call from the SAPS, the court, the provincial hospital or the local clinic to counsel someone in distress or to fetch an abandoned child or a child born from rape. I could have told her that I clothe them in a beautiful new outfit with the same dignity and care that I gave my own children at birth. But no, my reason for doing adoptions is much more personal than that.

bout forty-nine (49) years ago, after seventeen years of marriage, my aunt and uncle admitted that they had a problem. They couldn't have children of their own. They had tried to have children, but nothing worked. It was a very painful experience. Their friends and family had children, but they had none. They served as pastors in various assemblies, and everyone kept asking when they planned to start a family. Attending baby showers was hurtful to my aunt. Going on holiday was meant to be a relaxing time, but instead, they would look at families on the beach and long for children to enjoy the holiday with them. My uncle longed for a fishing partner. As children of the family, we visited during school holidays but (as children always do) we went back home to go to school and when we left the loneliness would set in again.

My aunt and uncle decided to share their problem with a social worker at AFM Welfare. The social worker took them through a rigorous process of screening and preparation. After a home visit in August 1976, the social worker told my aunt and uncle to come and fetch their son.

My aunt and uncle cried tears of joy when they met my cousin for the first time. He was perfect in every way, and they fell in love with him right away. I was there when the social workers monitored through home visits. My aunt and uncle never hid the fact that my cousin was adopted. They told him from the beginning so that there were no secrets. I remember my aunt cradling him in her arms and telling him “You did not grow in my tummy, but you grew in my heart". The family accepted my cousin with open arms. He experienced a happy healthy childhood. I am proud of the man of God and father he has become. My uncle passed away five years ago. It wasn’t a very big funeral or the fact that hundreds of pastors did a guard of honour - it was the fact that my cousin did the Eulogy. The title of the Eulogy was "My Dad My Hero.